I Have Learned

Here are a few things that I have learned recently, and am still learning. Saying I have learned it doesn't necessarily mean I live it, that's a lifelong process. But for whatever it's worth, I have learned:

• That all can change if they humble themselves and apply the transforming power of Grace.
• That the best people have a heightened awareness of what little of the worst is still in them.
• That the future is as bright as our faith.
• That optimism and faith are eternal helpmeets. Hope is equally their offspring and their forbear.
• That an helpmeet (the scriptural term Adam was given for a spouse), is one who helps you meet (meaning come to) God.
• That children are an investment. The more time you invest, the more return you get.
• That children do better when parents actually parent.
• That work is a blessing.
• That the reason we are obedient is just as important as our obedience. And that We are blessed more through obeying because of love and honor to God, than through blind obedience. More if we pay tithing with full purpose of heart, than grudgingly. More if we keep the word of Wisdom so we can be worthy of, and able to hear the spirit, than if we keep it solely for health reasons. 
• That God loves us, regardless of our weaknesses and sins.
• That to be temporally self-reliant means you depend on yourself, whereas being spiritually self-reliant means you depend on God.
• That if you truly love someone, you have to do the hard things that will help them grow and learn. Think of God's purposes of chastising his children. The method is love, the purpose is change.
• That ultimately, modesty is more about honoring God than safety. And that's true for the other commandments too.
• That a bishop's job isn't to hand out advice and be the all-knowing source of answers, but to turn them to the Savior for counsel, advice and direction.
• That when we're told we won't be given anything we can't handle, the "we" referred to is God and us. We're often given things we can't do alone. That's why we have Grace.
• That none of us will ever be truly worthy of the blessings Heavenly Father gives us, but He loves us anyway and gives them to show His love.

"Lived After the Manner of Happiness"

One of my all-time favorite verses of scripture comes from 2 Nephi 5:27 of the Book of Mormon: "And it came to pass that we lived after the manner of happiness." I've pondered greatly about what that means, and how one can live after the manner of happiness. 
First of all I'm certain that they maintained a Positive Mental Attitude, and definitely had an Attitude of Gratitude, but what else contributed to their happiness? Perhaps some background would help. At this time in Nephite history, they had just landed on the American Continent, the Land of Promise, and started to settle in. Then the rebellious brothers, Laman and Lemuel, decided they wanted to take control by killing Nephi, so Nephi was warned in a dream to take his family and those faithful to the Lord, and flee into the wilderness. 
Soon they found a new place and settled in. So, they were happy because they had to rebuild their homes and lives after fleeing their murderous bothers? Perhaps in one way. But if you study the verses leading up to verse 27 you'll find a few triggers that helped them live in happiness despite their circumstances.

1. They followed the spirit (vs. 5)
2. They moved their families from wickedness (vs. 6-7)
3. They kept the commandments "in all things" (vs. 10; cross reference to Alma 41:10, "Wickedness never was happiness" ) 
4. They worked hard and were industrious in doing good things and providing for their families (vs. 11, 15-17)
5. They focused their lives on the temple (vs. 16)
6. They chose to follow their church leaders, who pointed them to Christ (vs. 26)

Think about this in your own life. Are you happy? Do you do the basic things that bring happiness? Perhaps you're doing all these things, but are somehow just 'going through the motions', and your efforts lack faith and hope? It's kind of like trying to fly an airplane without wings. It's time to add wings to your vessel by 'doing all that you do in the name of [Jesus](Moses 5:8).  By so doing, we consecrate our actions, and thus our very lives, to the source of all true happiness.

"Soul Mates" or "Solo Fate?"

I'm kind of sad when so many wonderful people are so unfortunately single. I know of a few who seem to be looking for 'their soulmate', and are turning down fantastic people left and right. For some reason, no matter how much they are told that soul mates are a myth, they can't give up on their quest to find that one person who fulfills them, who matches their chemistry, who creates some sort of internal spark that jumps from toes to head at the first sight of them.
I know that most of you are not seeking this dream, but the few who are, are holding up the marriage train for others. 
In truth, the only soul mates that ever existed were Adam and Eve. For the rest of us, "any righteous man and woman can and will have a successful and happy marriage if each lives the gospel of Jesus Christ." (Paraphrased from miracle of forgiveness)

So, who you should really be looking for is someone who is committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Who has a relationship with Him and loves and honors Him. Who's future is firmly rooted in the faith and hope of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Who desires not only to be married in the temple, but to have a temple marriage. And especially, one who is first and foremost, your best friend. "Romantic Love' comes and goes, but who would you rather face life's trials and triumphs with more than your best friend.
This is the type of person who obeys the commandments because they love the Lord, not because they're afraid of the consequences. Who selflessly serves, not just does service. For therein lie the Lord's two great commandments: Love the Lord and Love your neighbor as yourself.
And if such is the goal you have for a spouse, shouldn't you be that type of person yourself? 

The same goes for you who have "fallen out of love", or aren't compatible anymore, or just can't get along, or any other of the myriad of other excuses. What's really happening is one or both of you are not living the gospel.
If this is the case for you, go home and spend the next week in study, prayer, and pondering how you can better live the gospel. But focus solely on the changes you yourself need to make. You can't change your spouse, you can only change yourself. I promise you that if you both do so, you will fall back in love and be happy together again.

In truth, you can become your spouse's soul mate as you live the gospel, love God, and love your spouse.