Top-Secret Superpower for a happy Marriage

Hey you! Yup, you, the newly married or newly engaged couple. I've got a little secret I'm going to let you in on about successful marriages. You see, there's a top secret superpower that much of today's world doesn't know about. Oh they think they know, but most of them just don't get it. 

Top-secret superpower of a happy Marriage: LOVE

I know what you're saying. We know what love is-we see it in the movies all the time. Love is when you feel so passionately toward another person that you can't resist attacking their mouth in hungry, soul-aching (and often slobbery) kisses.

But guess what? You're wrong. Don't feel bad, it's society's fault (we might add some of the blame to Satan's shoulders as well). That isn't love, it's lust. I know it starts with the same letter and all, but it just isn't the same thing. 

You see, Lust is Satan's counterfeit for Love. To define the differences as simply as I can, Lust is Selfish, but Love is Selfless.

Lust is concerned with me and I. It is a soul-aching need that we satisfy regardless of the needs of the other person. It is selfishly possessive of others, but loyal to none. Lust is an action word, but It doesn't focus on giving and lifting others up, but rather on taking and lifting our own self.

Love, on the other hand is concerned with service and caring for the other person. It is loyal and trustworthy. Love, too, is an action word. Because we love we act and do things for others. We care about their needs, feelings and cares and seek to ease, uplift and honor them. 

Jesus taught that the greatest two commandments are based on Love: Love God, and love your neighbor. Is it any wonder that Satan would try to replace love with his counterfeit?

Love is huge and can fill volumes of books and seminars and study, but it can be brought down to two focuses for strengthening your marriage. Interestingly they come from Jesus' two great commandments:

1) Love God with your whole soul

If we love God, we serve Him. We honor Him by our thoughts and deeds. We strive to do all He has asked of us, including keeping the commandments and magnifying our callings. We talk with Him often and cherish communication with Him. We don't let anything take priority in our lives, money, cars, sports, careers-for these become our idols. We strive to become a better person. We go to His House as often as we can and strive to align our heart and will with His.

2) Love your spouse as yourself

If we love our spouse, we serve them. We honor them by our thoughts and deeds. We strive to make their life as easy and joyful as possible. We talk with them often and cherish communication with them. We don't let anything but God take higher priority than them in our lives: money, cars, sports, careers-for these become our idols. We strive to become a better person-not because they nag us, but because we love them and want to offer to them our best self. We're less interested in being "right" and more focused on being kind. We go home and on dates as often as we can and strive to align our heart and will with theirs.

In truth, when God joined Adam and Eve together, he called them "Helpmeets". For each couple, that term literally means we will help our spouse "meet" (or come unto) God. That is your role, and it can only be accomplished as you, yourself, strives to come unto God. We're like an equalateral triangle, with husband and wife at bottom corners and God at the top. If one wishes to come closer to God, then you have to come closer to your spouse too.

So try the top-secret superpower today! It really is as simple as love.

The Commandment to Love

Ever since I was little, with rules and chores and laws imposed by parents, society and governments, I've been fascinated by Matthew's account of the cunning Pharisee who tried to test the Savior by asking Him which commandment was greatest. The savior put him to shame and answered as simply and clearly as he could: 1st Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. 2nd Love your neighbor as your self.

As a child I was very interested to find that all we have to do is obey two commandments. Could it really be that simple? I wondered. 

As I matured and my understanding of the gospel grew, I realized the truth: it is that simple, and that difficult.

You see, each of the commandments has it's root in those two commandments. For Example: 

•Don't steal - if you Love your neighbor then you won't steal from them. But if you express your gratitude to God for all you have, you won't have the desire to steal, either.

•Don't take the Lord's name in vain - of course if you love God you wouldn't do that. But if you loved your neighbor then you wouldn't be likely to blaspheme or use foul language around them either.

I've since come to realize that the reason to obey every commandment is built upon those two commandments. Of course Jesus taught this in his mortal ministry, "if ye love me, keep my commandments".  

John taught that if we love God, then we keep His commandments-and that since we love Him, the commandments are not grevious or hard to do (1 John 3:5)

Could it really be all about love? 

What about tithing? If we love God then it is easy to give back 10%. And if we love our neighbor, we want a place for them to worship-be it for our immediate neighbor or our neighbors in 3rd World Countries.

What about modesty? If we love God then we cherish this gift we call a body. We also seek to use it to glorify God, not draw attention to ourselves. If we love our neighbor, then we wouldn't want to impose our immodesty on anyone.

I could go on and on. 

So . . . . What? How does this help? Does this help? Does it change anything?

That's up to you. What does it mean to you that all the commandments are based on love? How does that change your attitude on all the rules, laws, commandments and principles? How important is love?

 It's all about love. Can you see why Moroni taught that we should all pray to God with all the energy of our soul to be filled with love? Why John taught that God is Love, and that we should be as he is? Is it any wonder that Satan has blinded the eyes of the people to believe that lust is love, and that selfishness is the way to happiness? He too knows that Love is the Answer, and he'll do anything he can to hide it.

Modesty Unveiled

I have been saddened by the many arguments about modesty and the reasons people give for not teaching modesty to their kids. Some say it oppresses them, others that modesty teaches their daughter that they are responsible for the sinful thoughts of others. They say modesty should be whatever you're comfortable wearing. That popularity and fashion are more important than modesty. Or that the female body is not evil and therefore we shouldn't treat it like it is by hiding it. I read one blog where a mother said she "taught her sons in such a way so that if a parade of naked women were to march past his face he wouldn't have sinful thoughts, therefore if the boys are taught properly then the girls don't need to oppress themselves with this outdated ideal."

In this self-centered society with an "I'll do what I want and who cares what you think about it" mentality, is it any wonder that we are more concerned about the "rights" of an individual than God's laws of morality?

I applaud this woman for teaching her sons to respect women, though I am reminded of the gun rights activist woman who similarly boasted that she had taught her kids to fear and never touch a gun, therefore guns should not be controlled, all we needed to do was educate our kids. But when her children were placed in a controlled setting where a gun happened to be present, and they saw that their mother wasn't there, they grabbed the gun and began playing with it.

You see, educating our boys is very important, but that needs to go hand in hand with teaching our daughters to respect themselves and dress modestly. In truth, boys have a hard enough time controlling their physical desires as it is, without their peers flaunting their god-given sexual appeal. 

But that isn't the biggest reason why we should dress and teach our children to dress modestly. Our number one reason should be:

1. To Honor God
1. This should be our number one reason to keep all commandments. Jesus said the greatest commandment is to Love God (Matt. 22:36-38). And that if we Love Him, we will keep His commandments (John 14:15). John even taught that when we love God, then the commandments are not grevious or oppressive (1 John 5:3).
2. We better recognize how modesty glorifies God when we understand what modesty really is. "True to the Faith" explains: “Modesty is an attitude of humility and decency in dress, grooming, language, and behavior. If you are modest, you do not draw undue attention to yourself. Instead, you seek to ‘glorify God in your body, and in your spirit’ (1 Corinthians 6:20). The Lord has always set the example of glorifying the Father. During His mortal ministry, the Savior never drew attention to Himself but rather pointed His followers to the Father, teaching, “He that believeth on me, believeth not on me, but on him that sent me” (John 12:44). In attitude, appearance, word, and deed, the Savior taught us about the importance of modesty. (See Apr. 2014 Ensign, If Your Eye Be Single to My Glory) This is what He meant when He said we should "Let our light so shine before men that they may see our good works and Glorify God" (Matt. 5:16).
3. Part of honoring God is expressing gratitude for the gifts he gives. Your body is an incredibly wonderful gift from God, one that we should respect and protect.
   
2. To Respect myself
1. When we dress modestly we send a message to others that we respect ourselves. That we are children of God and have worth in who we are, not just in the attention we can get from the skin we show. The way we dress affects how we view and treat ourselves. To put it more bluntly, the way you dress and act represent what you think about yourself. And that in turn sends a message to others about what part of you that you deem is most important. If you respect yourself, you view yourself as a child of god, not a spawn of the flesh, and you reflect that knowledge in your dress, grooming and behavior.
3. To Respect Others
1. The Lord taught that the second greatest commandment is to love others (Matt. 22:39). When we love others, we seek to lift up, inspire and ease their burdens (see Mosiah 18:8-9). The Lord's golden rule is to treat others how you want to be treated (Matt. 7:12). Yet in today's self-centered society of "I'll do what I want and who cares what you think about it" mentality, many believe they should not be responsible for the way we affect others with our manner of speech or dress. And before we argue about whether our appearace affects others and whether we should be concerned about that, let me say inoquivicolly that: 
1. It is true that a man is responsible for his own thoughts and actions. It is also true that a women’s body is sacred, special, and in no way wicked or evil. It is absolutely false, however, that exposing your body to a man or woman in a non-marital setting isn’t an offense to that individual. Men and Women are divinely endowed with powerful physical reactions to each other that are difficult to control. It’s instinct and it’s nature and it is there for a beautiful purpose. If you present that temptation, man or woman, to the opposite sex outside of the appropriate bounds, mark my words, you will be held responsible for it before God. You are not responsible for how they choose to react to it, but you are definitely responsible for imposing it upon them.
2. If you were on a diet, you wouldn't want your friends to flaunt donuts and ice cream in your face, right? The same is true for modesty, though to a much higher degree. When we love others as ourselves we don't desire to make it more difficult for them to have pure and chaste minds while around us. On the contrary, we desire to help them reach their full spiritual potential and not be a stumbling block for them.
4. To Protect myself
1. Protection from heartbreak. When we dress immodestly we make it difficult for others to see past our appearance to the person we are inside. Therefore, friendship and/or romance is based on appearance instead of being grounded on truth. It has been said that if a girl dresses immodestly, then some boys will place her on a pedastool, if for no other reason than to look up her skirt. You want to attract someone who will like you for who you are, not the peeks they steal when around you. That only leads to heartbreak.
2. Protection from abuse. It is true that the way you dress sends a signal to those around you about how they should treat you. If you dress like a cop, you'll be treated like one. The same for a businessperson, a baker, a goodie-goodie, a nerd, a skater or a druggie. And if you dress like an exotic dancer, you will be gawked at and people will expect things from you. This isn't to say that abuse doesn't happen to modestly dressed women, unfortunately it does. But why give others the idea that they can expect you to be loose or a slut. Though you will get attention, and it will seem exciting, this path only ends in sadness.
3. Bottom line: The way we dress signals to others how they should treat us. Save yourself the heartache of being treated poorly and with disrespect.

If you are unsure about whether your dress or grooming is modest, ask yourself, “Would I feel comfortable with my appearance if I were in the Lord’s presence?” You might ask yourself a similar question about your language and behavior: “Would I say these words or participate in these activities if the Lord were present?”

Remember the law of the harvest: whatever you plant in life, will then be your harvest. The Lord taught, “For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light” (D&C 88:40). In other words, if you want to attract someone who has wisdom, truth, virtue and light, then you have to be those things first. Alma understood this principle when he taught: "that which ye do send out shall return unto you again" (Alma 41:15).

The truth is, the way you dress and present yourself tells others how to treat you, AND it represents what you think of yourself. But most importantly, it reflects upon your conviction to honor The Lord.