Top-Secret Superpower for a happy Marriage

Hey you! Yup, you, the newly married or newly engaged couple. I've got a little secret I'm going to let you in on about successful marriages. You see, there's a top secret superpower that much of today's world doesn't know about. Oh they think they know, but most of them just don't get it. 

Top-secret superpower of a happy Marriage: LOVE

I know what you're saying. We know what love is-we see it in the movies all the time. Love is when you feel so passionately toward another person that you can't resist attacking their mouth in hungry, soul-aching (and often slobbery) kisses.

But guess what? You're wrong. Don't feel bad, it's society's fault (we might add some of the blame to Satan's shoulders as well). That isn't love, it's lust. I know it starts with the same letter and all, but it just isn't the same thing. 

You see, Lust is Satan's counterfeit for Love. To define the differences as simply as I can, Lust is Selfish, but Love is Selfless.

Lust is concerned with me and I. It is a soul-aching need that we satisfy regardless of the needs of the other person. It is selfishly possessive of others, but loyal to none. Lust is an action word, but It doesn't focus on giving and lifting others up, but rather on taking and lifting our own self.

Love, on the other hand is concerned with service and caring for the other person. It is loyal and trustworthy. Love, too, is an action word. Because we love we act and do things for others. We care about their needs, feelings and cares and seek to ease, uplift and honor them. 

Jesus taught that the greatest two commandments are based on Love: Love God, and love your neighbor. Is it any wonder that Satan would try to replace love with his counterfeit?

Love is huge and can fill volumes of books and seminars and study, but it can be brought down to two focuses for strengthening your marriage. Interestingly they come from Jesus' two great commandments:

1) Love God with your whole soul

If we love God, we serve Him. We honor Him by our thoughts and deeds. We strive to do all He has asked of us, including keeping the commandments and magnifying our callings. We talk with Him often and cherish communication with Him. We don't let anything take priority in our lives, money, cars, sports, careers-for these become our idols. We strive to become a better person. We go to His House as often as we can and strive to align our heart and will with His.

2) Love your spouse as yourself

If we love our spouse, we serve them. We honor them by our thoughts and deeds. We strive to make their life as easy and joyful as possible. We talk with them often and cherish communication with them. We don't let anything but God take higher priority than them in our lives: money, cars, sports, careers-for these become our idols. We strive to become a better person-not because they nag us, but because we love them and want to offer to them our best self. We're less interested in being "right" and more focused on being kind. We go home and on dates as often as we can and strive to align our heart and will with theirs.

In truth, when God joined Adam and Eve together, he called them "Helpmeets". For each couple, that term literally means we will help our spouse "meet" (or come unto) God. That is your role, and it can only be accomplished as you, yourself, strives to come unto God. We're like an equalateral triangle, with husband and wife at bottom corners and God at the top. If one wishes to come closer to God, then you have to come closer to your spouse too.

So try the top-secret superpower today! It really is as simple as love.

The Commandment to Love

Ever since I was little, with rules and chores and laws imposed by parents, society and governments, I've been fascinated by Matthew's account of the cunning Pharisee who tried to test the Savior by asking Him which commandment was greatest. The savior put him to shame and answered as simply and clearly as he could: 1st Love God with all your heart, soul and mind. 2nd Love your neighbor as your self.

As a child I was very interested to find that all we have to do is obey two commandments. Could it really be that simple? I wondered. 

As I matured and my understanding of the gospel grew, I realized the truth: it is that simple, and that difficult.

You see, each of the commandments has it's root in those two commandments. For Example: 

•Don't steal - if you Love your neighbor then you won't steal from them. But if you express your gratitude to God for all you have, you won't have the desire to steal, either.

•Don't take the Lord's name in vain - of course if you love God you wouldn't do that. But if you loved your neighbor then you wouldn't be likely to blaspheme or use foul language around them either.

I've since come to realize that the reason to obey every commandment is built upon those two commandments. Of course Jesus taught this in his mortal ministry, "if ye love me, keep my commandments".  

John taught that if we love God, then we keep His commandments-and that since we love Him, the commandments are not grevious or hard to do (1 John 3:5)

Could it really be all about love? 

What about tithing? If we love God then it is easy to give back 10%. And if we love our neighbor, we want a place for them to worship-be it for our immediate neighbor or our neighbors in 3rd World Countries.

What about modesty? If we love God then we cherish this gift we call a body. We also seek to use it to glorify God, not draw attention to ourselves. If we love our neighbor, then we wouldn't want to impose our immodesty on anyone.

I could go on and on. 

So . . . . What? How does this help? Does this help? Does it change anything?

That's up to you. What does it mean to you that all the commandments are based on love? How does that change your attitude on all the rules, laws, commandments and principles? How important is love?

 It's all about love. Can you see why Moroni taught that we should all pray to God with all the energy of our soul to be filled with love? Why John taught that God is Love, and that we should be as he is? Is it any wonder that Satan has blinded the eyes of the people to believe that lust is love, and that selfishness is the way to happiness? He too knows that Love is the Answer, and he'll do anything he can to hide it.

I Have Learned

Here are a few things that I have learned recently, and am still learning. Saying I have learned it doesn't necessarily mean I live it, that's a lifelong process. But for whatever it's worth, I have learned:

• That all can change if they humble themselves and apply the transforming power of Grace.
• That the best people have a heightened awareness of what little of the worst is still in them.
• That the future is as bright as our faith.
• That optimism and faith are eternal helpmeets. Hope is equally their offspring and their forbear.
• That an helpmeet (the scriptural term Adam was given for a spouse), is one who helps you meet (meaning come to) God.
• That children are an investment. The more time you invest, the more return you get.
• That children do better when parents actually parent.
• That work is a blessing.
• That the reason we are obedient is just as important as our obedience. And that We are blessed more through obeying because of love and honor to God, than through blind obedience. More if we pay tithing with full purpose of heart, than grudgingly. More if we keep the word of Wisdom so we can be worthy of, and able to hear the spirit, than if we keep it solely for health reasons. 
• That God loves us, regardless of our weaknesses and sins.
• That to be temporally self-reliant means you depend on yourself, whereas being spiritually self-reliant means you depend on God.
• That if you truly love someone, you have to do the hard things that will help them grow and learn. Think of God's purposes of chastising his children. The method is love, the purpose is change.
• That ultimately, modesty is more about honoring God than safety. And that's true for the other commandments too.
• That a bishop's job isn't to hand out advice and be the all-knowing source of answers, but to turn them to the Savior for counsel, advice and direction.
• That when we're told we won't be given anything we can't handle, the "we" referred to is God and us. We're often given things we can't do alone. That's why we have Grace.
• That none of us will ever be truly worthy of the blessings Heavenly Father gives us, but He loves us anyway and gives them to show His love.

"Soul Mates" or "Solo Fate?"

I'm kind of sad when so many wonderful people are so unfortunately single. I know of a few who seem to be looking for 'their soulmate', and are turning down fantastic people left and right. For some reason, no matter how much they are told that soul mates are a myth, they can't give up on their quest to find that one person who fulfills them, who matches their chemistry, who creates some sort of internal spark that jumps from toes to head at the first sight of them.
I know that most of you are not seeking this dream, but the few who are, are holding up the marriage train for others. 
In truth, the only soul mates that ever existed were Adam and Eve. For the rest of us, "any righteous man and woman can and will have a successful and happy marriage if each lives the gospel of Jesus Christ." (Paraphrased from miracle of forgiveness)

So, who you should really be looking for is someone who is committed to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Who has a relationship with Him and loves and honors Him. Who's future is firmly rooted in the faith and hope of the atonement of Jesus Christ. Who desires not only to be married in the temple, but to have a temple marriage. And especially, one who is first and foremost, your best friend. "Romantic Love' comes and goes, but who would you rather face life's trials and triumphs with more than your best friend.
This is the type of person who obeys the commandments because they love the Lord, not because they're afraid of the consequences. Who selflessly serves, not just does service. For therein lie the Lord's two great commandments: Love the Lord and Love your neighbor as yourself.
And if such is the goal you have for a spouse, shouldn't you be that type of person yourself? 

The same goes for you who have "fallen out of love", or aren't compatible anymore, or just can't get along, or any other of the myriad of other excuses. What's really happening is one or both of you are not living the gospel.
If this is the case for you, go home and spend the next week in study, prayer, and pondering how you can better live the gospel. But focus solely on the changes you yourself need to make. You can't change your spouse, you can only change yourself. I promise you that if you both do so, you will fall back in love and be happy together again.

In truth, you can become your spouse's soul mate as you live the gospel, love God, and love your spouse.